On the way home from work last night, I saw a young woman struggling to control her three small children.
The eldest was about three years old, there was a toddler in a pushchair and the young Mum was holding a baby in the crook of her arm.
She was obviously harassed but she didn’t seem like a bad person.
I was appalled however when, to stop the toddler from crying, she poured the contents of a can of ‘Coca-cola’ into a baby bottle and gave it to the bawling child.
It had the desired effect though as the child immediately stopped screaming.
Having said that, if this is her common solution, what chance does that child or any of her other children have?
Rotten teeth, fat bellies and poor health will not make them happy or popular.
Each generation seems to be less sensible than the one before.
As a nation, as a planet, we’re in trouble.

My wife bought tickets for us to see the comedian; Dara O’Briain at the Hammersmith Apollo last Friday.
I’d only ever seen him comparing on 'Mock the Week', but was very excited to see him live.
Mandy told me I had to meet her there at 6.30pm. A bit early I thought but why not.
Amazingly she was on time and I didn’t have my usual half an hour of panic.
At 6.30pm the doors opened and we filed in.
We bought some drinks and hotdogs and waited...
The show wasn’t due to start until 8pm.
Do’h!
Still, it was nice being ‘alone’ with my wife.
We laughed and joked until we were allowed to our seats at 7.30pm.
Ate sweets and giggled until Dara came on.
He just wandered on really and started chatting. No real jokes, just conversations with the audience and a few anecdotes.
Hilarious!
We laughed throughout.

My wife recently found a temporary artificial ice-skating rink that was set up in a local sports centre. The tickets were cheap so why not?
We went there early on a Saturday morning and found the rink taking up approximately a quarter of the main sports hall. It was actually quite small, but fortunately we were the only ones there.
We put on our skates (even my wife!) and my eldest daughter and I were the first ones on.
This shouldn’t have been problematic as we are both moderately OK skaters.
Unfortunately, I was completely unable to move forward and my daughter could just manage to get around by pulling herself along the rail.
My smaller children and wife had it no better.
The artificial ‘ice’ is actually a hard white plastic, coated in glycerine to allow ‘sliding’. Now while this should work, there is a problem.
Because this is an activity aimed at families and young children, ‘Health and Safety’ insist that the skates aren’t sharp.
This is to prevent any accidental finger amputations. They haven’t considered however that due to the blunted skates inability to find any purchase, that the would-be skaters are more likely to damage themselves because of the constant and unavoidable falling over.
Idiots.

My daughter broke her finger at lunchtime on Saturday. She was at an all day Confirmation class.
She informed her mother about her slight concerns when she was collected at 5pm.
I then spent four hours with her at the local Accident and Emergency department.
One joint dislocated, one bone snapped in half.
The priest, when originally shown the purple and obviously twisted finger, said… ‘Oh don’t worry. It’s only a bruise.’
I’m not sure whom I’m angrier with: My daughter for not phoning home straightaway or the idiot priest.

My wife suggested/told me to organise a trip to the London Aquarium for the family.
It was actually a good idea, as we don’t do enough things together.
I booked the tickets and printed out the receipt.
Sunday morning came and I gave the dog a long walk while my wife got the children ready.
I arrived home an hour and a half later to find everyone sort of, almost ready and with a bit of pushing got everyone into the car in under an hour.
Not too bad considering.
The drive was OK, the parking horrible.
The Aquarium itself was pretty much how I remembered but was mostly wasted on the children. My eldest spent most of her time texting her friends.
The little ones did love the ‘touching pool’ however.
Half an hour with my hands immersed in near freezing water while my children strained to stroke the Manta rays.
Fantastic and weirdly friendly fish.
I’m not sure if I would recommend it, but I can say I don’t regret it.

Just met up for a few beers with an old friend.
Discussed former associates and weirdly politics.
Within an hour, we’d worked out how to fix the country.
Our party is going to be called the ‘Representative party’ and the symbol will be a couple of purple cherries.
This is because our policies will be ‘cherry picked’ from any/all other parties standing.
The Conservatives policy on immigration’s good? That’s our policy.
Labours policy on crime makes sense? That’s our policy.
The Lib Dems policy on education’s clever? That’s our policy.
This means we have to do no planning but instead just research other people’s ideas.
If they’re sound, we’ll use them.
Can we count on your vote?

As I mentioned earlier, my older brother got married recently at Otley hall near Ipswich.
I arrived an hour early to help him out with any last minute emergencies, should they arise.
We strolled together into one of the gardens and I noticed a beautiful Dovecote.
“Hey look.” I said obviously. “A Dovecoat.”
My brother corrected me instantly; “It’s pronounced Dove-cot.”

My boy recently turned four.
I have always maintained that I treat him no differently to the girls but…
My wife asked me to buy his presents.
I immediately purchased a selection of action figures, toy weapons and cars.
We joyfully played scalextric for nearly an hour.
Why hadn’t I bought a set for either one of his elder sisters?