My wife went out with some friends last night.
“I won’t be too late. Will you wait up for me?”
“Sure.” I reply.
I get my youngest two into bed and asleep by 9pm.
I watch ‘Heroes’ with my eldest and then tuck her in to bed just after 10pm.
I go down stairs, light the fire and try to do some work, curled up on the sofa…
I’m woken by the phone ringing.
“Wha? Hello?”
It’s my wife. She’s being knocking on the windows and ringing the doorbell to no avail.
Fortunately some neighbours were just arriving home from a concert and invited her in to use their phone.
I’m a terrible husband.

I saw a group of old friends yesterday, but was completely in the wrong mood for it.
I didn't feel happy and had trouble relating to most of them all evening.
Left early and was home by 11pm.
Must get my head straightened out.

One of my 'Friends' blogs in Spanish._How weird is that?_She must like me for my good looks.

I had to drive my two smallest children to school today._I’d rather they’d walk but it's too far for them._On the way back I past a ‘Runner’._Not a Jogger but a proper ‘Runner’._I felt a bit inspired._Tomorrow morning, when I walk the dog, I might dig out my old trainers and try to run for a bit._I imagine though, it’ll end up being some odd combination of ‘Walking’ and ‘Jogging’._‘Jalking’ I think._‘Wogging’ sounds offensive.

I dressed as normal this morning._In the dark._This is usually alright as most of my clothes are blue or brown._On emerging into the light today though, I discovered I’d dressed myself head to toe in black._I feel like the ‘Milk tray man’.

A tree fell down in the fields outside the back of my house._After a quick inspection, I discovered why._The council had obviously planted some trees several years ago, as there was a plastic barrier around the trunk._I assume this was done to protect the adolescent trees from being damaged by deer or squirrels._That’s quite reasonable; give the tree a chance._Problem is that the tree grew until its trunk was thicker that the plastic barrier._Worse, the thick plastic barrier was strong enough to constrict the tree trunk and not split._Conclusion. The tree grew bulging from the top of the plastic barrier, getting heavier and heavier until the spindly base couldn’t support it anymore._Snap._Stupid, considerate council planners.

Our house backs onto open fields and as such enables us to see wildlife not usually seen by typical suburbanites._Rabbits, foxes, voles and bats. My wife has even seen a muntjack deer._My latest animal sighting though is possibly less appealing._No food scraps in our house go to waste. All left over meat goes to the cats or the dog. A few of the vegetables go to the gerbil. And everything else goes into the compostor outside the back of the garden._I was pouring days worth into it on Saturday when a movement near my foot caught my eye. I watched more closely as I continued to shake the bag and two more shapes darted out of the bottom of the compostor._Two more large and sleek rats!_I spotted them once more on Sunday._They’re actually quite good looking and are obviously thriving on the fresh fruit and vegetable scraps._I might start adding some meat scraps just to balance their diet._One thing though; I’ll be moving the compostor a little bit further from the house.

Finally finished ‘Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows’._It’s not that I’m a terribly slow reader. It’s that I was reading it to my eldest daughter (and wife) at night before bedtime._It was actually pretty good._Perhaps the best in the series, apart from the original.

On the way to work today, three encounters disturbed me._The first was in a charity shop on the way to the station._An Eddie Izzard video displayed in the window caught my eye. Dressed to Kill._I’m a fan; it was unwatched and only 50p._As I was buying it, a 30 something women was looking at a furry purple jacket._“Fiftien quid? Wotevah!” she shrieked to no one in particular._I could almost hear her misspelling the words in her head._The next encounter was walking down a fairly steep slope to the station itself._I passed an overweight girl of maybe 18 struggling upwards clutching her chest._She’d probably never done a sporting activity in her life._My last encounter was on the train itself._I was sitting reading a paper when a man in his 20s sat down next to me and crossed his legs._No problem with that, other than it made the sole of his dirty trainer push into my trousers._You’d think he would apologise and reposition himself, but I instead I had to ask him to move his foot._Lack of education._Lack of sports facilities._Lack of manners._Is it their fault or the generations above them?

I took my wife to see ‘The Bourne Supremacy ‘ last week._My parents looked after the children, enabling us to steal a few precious hours to ourselves._The movie was good, but not to my taste._I prefer Romantic comedies or Adventure comedies._In fact any double barrelled description involving the word ‘comedy’._During the film, it was revealed that ‘Jason Bourne’s real name was ‘David Webb’._I bet my wife that ‘David Webb’ was in fact ‘Cliff Richards’ real name._I lost the bet. It was actually ‘Harry Webb’._Damn!

Last week, after the long summer break, my three children went back to school._My youngest, (3) started nursery: 5 mornings a week._My middle child (4) started full time junior school._My eldest (13) started year nine in senior school._They all looked so sweet in their new (and monstrously expensive) school uniforms._I felt proud but also a little sad.

There’s a shop just round the corner from my house._It reminds me of ‘Arkwright’s’ from the Ronnie Barker sitcom ‘Open all hours’._It sells an odd assortment of stock from luggage to garden ornaments._I went in looking for plastic storage boxes and there was an elderly woman in front of me at the counter._She asked for; ‘A bobbly thing for a door.’_The shopkeeper, who looked like a cross between Jesus and Steptoe surprisingly replied; ‘What colour would you like?’_I was baffled._The customer replied cream and the shopkeeper shuffled off and came back with three alternatives. (All in cream.)_The woman selected the one she wanted, paid, and left the shop happy._Did he have what I needed?_Off course he did.

Finally came to the end of my wifes two week attempt to financially shore up the theatres of London._Saw a matinee of Billy Elliot with my wife and eldest daughter._I’d seen the show before, years ago and didn’t particularly want to see it again._I actually quite enjoyed it._For some reason though, I really welled up when Billy’s ballet teacher reads the letter from his dead ‘Mam’._I’m getting even softer in my advancing years.

My cousin David called and took me out for lunch._He’s been working up in Victoria recently so I’ve been fortunate enough to meet him several times in the last few weeks._It’s always a real joy to see him._Hopefully, even though his London job’s finished, I’ll get to see him a few more times before the years out.

I took my eldest up to Covent Garden to see the stage play/musical of Lord of the rings._It wasn’t my idea. My wife got carried away with the ‘Children go free’ offer currently running in London theatres._I’d never read the book, but seen two of the three films and knew the ending somehow._The mechanical stage was a triumph; unfortunately the play was a bit duff._Especially the character of Strider/Aragorn._I can only guess that he was instructed to annunciate every syllable in a mock Arthurian accent._It was laughably bad._Highlight of the day for my daughter was going into a shop afterwards called ‘David & Goliath’ and buying a t-shirt._Apparently it’s ‘soooo cool!’ at the moment.

I’m a slob._I’ve always been a slob._I brush up quite well when I need to._Unfortunately I never feel that need._However, as one of the many leaves I’m trying to turn over…_I’m going to make an effort to change._Starting with my hair._Time for a chop.

I was walking our dog in the fields behind my house the other night and I saw what I thought were enormous moths._They stayed within about a ten metres distance from a certain hedgerow but flittered constantly back and forth._The next evening I went out a little earlier in twilight and saw them again._But they weren’t insects at all._They were tiny Bats. No bigger than my three year old sons hand span._I watched them until the light faded._It was magical.

Yesterday’s Bank holiday was a very strange experience._I woke first and walked the dog in the woods but didn’t meet a soul._I got home and puttered for a while until my wife woke up._We shared breakfast together and then woke the children._Everyone was happy and the world was at peace._At around 2pm we decided that we should do something._My wife suggested an indoor climbing/play place for children that she’d been to recently._She assured me that it would be open._The drive was quiet and London Colney was lovely with what seemed like a picturesque pub every third house or so._The sports centre car park was... completely empty._I left everyone in the car and checked the main door…_Open!_There was one lonely girl on the reception desk and only two people on duty total._The place was open but deserted._We all went in and spent a couple of hours larking about in the ‘rigging’, racing down slides and hiding in ball ponds._My wife, eldest daughter and I were allowed to play as well because there was no one else to worry about._We all had a fantastic time and were even able to buy snacks and drinks._Went home and relaxed._Apart from the girl at the sports centre reception, I spoke to no one all day other than my wife and children._It was a wonderful day.

I met Ros again recently and she mentioned that she’d read my blog._She also referred to my writing style being reminiscent of Japanese Haiku poetry._I was flattered, as I like that style._My writing however is simply a bit blunt.

I took my mother and eldest daughter out to see ‘Wicked’ for her birthday._I collected her at around 6pm and we drove up to Portland place and parked._I wasn’t sure of parking in Victoria, so we took a black cab._Got to the theatre in plenty of time._Bought assorted bags of sweets and drinks and sat down._The show was a prequel to ‘The Wizard of Oz’ but told from another perspective._Elphaba (The Wicked Witch of the West) is actually good and all the supposedly good characters are evil._Although the show was good fun, it upset me slightly. I really liked the original story and this parallel version diminishes it._More importantly though, Mum had a good time and my daughter loved it._We bought the CD of songs, got a Black cab back to the car and drove home._A good evening, and hopefully a memorable one, for both my mother and my daughter.

After all the disruptions, we finally set off for our (severely) truncated holiday._Fortunately, no money was lost as we were staying at the family cottage in the Cotswolds._Drove down last Thursday, through heavy rain, with wife, three children and the dog. It took just over three hours including a short stop in Bibury._Not bad._We had a nice four days together. No arguments, children content. Dog blissfully happy. Even my teenage daughter behaved perfectly!_The drive back on Sunday was again through heavy rain, but it was peaceful as everyone other than my eldest (and me of course) slept through the entire journey._I love that place and would go there much more if I could.

Due to an assorted bag of circumstances; we were unable to go on holiday this week._So instead, yesterday I took my eldest daughter to Chessington World of Adventure._I had to run an errand for my wife's mum first, but we still got going just after 9am._We hit heavy traffic on the M25 but still got there after about an hour and a half._We had a good time. I went on all the rides she wanted and we had our fair share of junk food. I had to be home by 7pm at the latest, so we started for home at about 4.45pm._Traffic was surprisingly much ligher on the return journey and we got home not long after 6pm._I dealt with a builder I’d arranged to meet and finished the day happily.

On the way to work this morning, a family sat opposite me._The husband was in his 40’s, the wife slightly younger and two young girls, maybe four and seven._They were all dressed nicely and were obviously not short of money._They were going on a family day out._The youngest daughter asked her father an innocuous question about how long till they got to their destination. In response the father started to rant at the poor and instantly cowed child. The mother tried to intervene and got blasted herself._Eventually the father got up and stood and sulked at the other end of the carriage. Whatever they planned to do together as a family was ruined. Both girls were upset, the Father was red with anger and the mother looked defeated._Regardless of his situation, a fathers’ role is to protect, nurture and encourage his children._There’s no excuse for being so crap.

I took my wife out for a movie last night._The only thing showing was ‘Transformers’._Not an ideal choice, but then we don’t get the opportunity to go out very often so we went anyway._The film was… brilliant fun._Action packed and funny thanks to the extremely likable, but unusually named, lead ‘Shia Labeouf’._We were laughing or gripping each others hands all the way through._True, it was patently aimed at the kids/teen market, but we had great fun together._It was like we were both still teenagers ourselves.

I was forced to watch a TV show by my eldest daughter called ‘Star stories’._It was a bit close to the knuckle for my tastes but it was clever and funny._In a moment of serendipity, I walked past one of the main actors the next day on my way to work._I couldn’t stop myself from requesting his signature for my daughter._He was very kind, despite my not knowing his name or even remembering the name of his show._Even his message was self-effacing; ‘Keep watching please!’._I was quite impressed by his good nature._His name turned out to be Kevin Bishop. I hope he does well.

It's Friday around 12.30pm and my cousin David calls me._'Hi Mate. Free to meet for lunch?'_I love my cousin. He's one of the aforementioned people that I think are great._Unfortunately I actually have work to do._It's a dilemma; skive off down the local greasy spoon with him or do some much needed work._In the end Family always trumps work commitments._That and the possibility of a full English breakfast/lunch._Looks like I'm working late tonight.

I went out with some old friends last night._It was my turn to organise it, so with clever planing and forethought, I selected a pub, Karaoke bar and restaurant all on Poland Street._This meant that each destination was an easy drunken stumble from one to the next._Unfortunately made the mistake of having a few beers with my Dad before meeting everyone else._My limit's only about four pints total._How drunk was I when I got home?_Extremely.

After repairing the Wendy house I thought I'd paint it._Bare wood wouldn't last long in this weather._It was outside so I invited the children to help._How bad could it be?_They put on old clothes and dipped their eager little paintbrushes into the paint pot._Disaster No. 1: More paint on concrete and children then woodwork._Disaster No. 2: Outdoor wood paint is not water based. It needs to be removed with white spirit._Disaster No. 3: Dog decided to have a snooze on still wet Wendy house floor while I futilely scrubbed the children raw._I now have red raw, white spotted children. A weird looking zebra dog and a bodged up, oddly hairy Wendy house.

This weekend, I attempted to repair the old wooden 'Wendy house' in my back garden._It's basically a pretty wooden shed with little windows and a door._Perfect for the smallest two of my children._It was structurally OK, but the support struts holding up the eves were rotting, along with the side paneling._I bought some wood, cut it to size and screwed it into place._Fantastic!

I walk my dog every morning through the fields behind my house._Without fail there is a trail of litter all around._I assume people come to this green place because it’s pretty, but then they leave their empty drink cans, crisp packets and assorted junk food wrappers strewn all over the place._I hate it._Who do they think is going to pick up after them?_Why do they think it’s OK to do this?_Maybe it’s not them but me._Maybe there’s something wrong with me._Maybe it’s OK to treat the few remaining green spaces as a rubbish dump._Why does it bother me so much?

Last night was my 14th wedding anniversary._My mother looked after the children and I took my wife out for a meal at a local Chinese restaurant within walking distance._The food was nice and we were both able to drink. I had a really nice time._I should take my wife out more often.

I made another ‘possessions’ run on Saturday morning to my brother’s old house and collected his new girlfriend on the way back through central London._The meeting was brief; a car ride and a quick cup of tea._She seems really nice, funny, attractive and obviously fond of Mark._It’s a bit weird calling her ‘Marks girlfriend’ though._Once we’re passed 30 it feels odd referring to ourselves as boys and girls._What’s the alternative though? ‘Lady friend’ sounds antiquated, although perversely appropriate.

Friday evening was a nightmare._I got home from work around 6pm._I'd agreed to take the children to the summer opening of an petting farm._Clowns, kid's disco, games and free cake._We got there around 6.30pm and it finished at 8pm._I dropped them all home and then raced to my Brother's new house in Colindale. I collected him and drove through annoyingly heavy London traffic to his old house in East Dulwich to collect a 'few' things he'd left behind._'A few things!'_After throwing as much as possible into my people carrier plus the five cats still living there, we rocketed back through London to Colindale._We got to his house at 11.30pm._I threw everything (including the cats) onto his new front step and went as fast as I dared home._Arrived at 11.50pm._Raced on foot dragging my eldest daughter and dog to the local WHSmiths to stand at the back of the sizable queue to buy the Midnight release of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows._Walked proudly back home, book in hand._Got home and read the first chapter to eldest daughter and wife._Very exciting, but my daughter would not have forgiven me if I'd failed to get her to the shop in time._Got to sleep before 2am.

That’s not to say I’m conceited. I don’t think I’m the most handsome man in the world. I don’t think I’m particularly clever or athletic. I do think I’m a good person though, which puts me above about 90% of the population. I’m happy being me, dodgy back and all._What concerns me though is why people that I know and like don’t feel the same way._Friends and family tell me of their insecurities and low self-esteem. I don’t get it. I think they’re great too. Why else would I enjoy spending time with them?

I used to beg my wife not to buy junk food for the house._I can resist it outside the home._I can resist it in the shops._I can not resist it if it’s sitting there in the cupboard._It’s the same with TV._However I must be strong._I’m 40 and my life is at least half gone._I don’t want to be 80 and say ‘Well at least I watched a lot of TV’._I want to build things and create art._What's stopping me?_Life’s for doing, not for watching.

I don't mean she's a rubbish dog, I mean she's hurt her front paw._I took her to the vet, to be told that 'she's hurt her front paw'._Really? Wow thanks Vet._For their appraisal, they charged me £30._I did learn one thing; a dog's 'wrist' is actually called a 'Carpus'._Worth every penny.

Thysbe has asked to be my friend._Don't really understand this._As far as I can understand, Blogs are really just an open personal diary._Does it really matter who reads them?_As I said before; read Robogeek._It's a little cartoon experiment for my friend Assif._The initial idea was to create a small amount of notoriety within his AI community._Also, it gave me an excuse to pick up a pen._I only created this blog so Assif would have a virtual friend as well as a real one in me._P.S. Happy Birthday Assif!